Why do some men seek validation from their male peers more than their partner?
This article is mainly for the women and well for men to gain insight into how women feel about your close “male bonds”. Ladies have you ever been in a relationship where it seems that your partner is more interested in his friends than you? Ever had a relationship with someone who wonders what his friends would think of him if he spent more time with? Or simply have you been with someone who revolves his time around what his friends are doing and thinking?
If you did how do you feel? Let me tell you how. Rejected, angry and confused.
Now when I was not in a relationship I used to wonder why girls get angry when their boyfriends spend more time with their friends. Only when I got into a relationship I realized why women feel “threatened” sometimes by the friendships their partners have.
Men let me explain to you why women get upset over your “male bonds” then I will explain why men seek validation from their peers. When you are in a relationship your partner automatically assumes that she is the most important person to you. Why shouldn’t she? You tell her you love her, you tell her you need her and sometimes you tell her you cannot live without her. The closer you get to someone the more time you would want to spend with them. You see in a woman’s mind you should want to spend all your time with her, share your thoughts with her and forget everyone else. In many cases you would find women wanting to spend more time with their partners. Women generally show their emotions more and the deeper they get into a relationship is the more they expect from the relationship.
Example: Tom wants to have a boys night. However Susan wants him to go to the movies with her. He explains to her that he can’t “blow off” the guys that it will look bad and he needs man time. How does Susan feel?
When you “blow off” a woman especially for other people that she views should not be more important than her, infuriates her. The first feeling that a woman feels is anger which then subsides into hurt and rejection. This hurt and rejection results from her feeling that you care for your friends more than her. Hence, she feels that you love them more than her. These are the same emotions that she feels when you say “What would my friends say?”
Since I have explained how we females feel when men put validate their friends, I would now explain why they do it. Men in most cases men have shallow friendships that are based on: sports, card playing or some group activity that brings them together. You see men are different from women, women nurture friendships they discuss their lives share feelings and emotions which make their friendships more substantial. You see when a woman wants to spend time with her partner her friends act as a support group cheering her on. Men on the other hand, when they find “true” friendship that is, not based on a common group activity they hold on to it with a firm grip. When men find lasting friendships they sometimes don’t like petty things like girlfriends to get in their way.
The second thing you have to remember than males are ego driven. Men don’t like to feel controlled. When you try to tell a man “don’t go out with them” he feels that you are trying to control him. When you try to manipulate him into stop giving his friends more than you, you will piss him off and invite his power to be asserted upon you.
Another point to note is, since males are ego driven they don’t like to look like fools in front of their peers so sometimes even if they may seem like they are validating their friends they are really validating themselves. Most of the times, men don’t mean half of the crap they are saying to their friends especially about you.
I hope this helped men gain an insight into how women feel when you neglect them for your friends. Women I hope you understand why men seem to validate their friends more. My opinion is though if you love your partner you should really seek a healthy balance between friends and gf/bf. Maybe work out a schedule or something. I mean women you can’t expect your man to not have a life outside of the relationship it’s not healthy for you or him. Same goes for you guys. Hope this article was helpful.