How does hurt from the past influence our present relationships?
What "emotional baggage" does to our present relationships
You ever get into a relationship with someone who has had a relationship from the past that ended badly. Maybe their ex did something really bad to them that left them so wounded that they thought they could never be in a relationship ever again...but then POW! they're with you..What do you do when all the hurt from the past affects your relationship today?
Emotional baggage leads to resentment in present relationships. This governs many of your actions in your present relationships consciously and subconsciously
Have you ever found yourself dealing with someone with "baggage" and you have none? Or have you ever been the person with the "baggage". How does one deal with this..I always asked this question. If you're the one with the baggage do you face the music and deal with the issues,open your heart again or do you hold back and never give your all?
If you're the one dealing with the "baggage" do you try to play the psychiatrist and try to save the person or are you going to sit there and take the 60% you're getting in the relationship?
Now everyone has baggage..the trick is how you deal with it. If you're the person dealing with "baggage" its going to be difficult oh hell it's really going to be a labor of love. Trust me you have to really want to be with this person,really see something in this person that is worthy to be able to deal with his/her baggage. Beware...you're going to have to be prepared for the shit end of the stick. Now i ask is this fair? I continuously wonder why people with BAGGAGE from previous relationships run towards a new relationship?
Now I do understand when someone you love has left you..you're missing them...and I mean it will surprise you at the things you would miss..but does this mean that we have bring someone else into the emotional spiral that's going on in our heads? I really don't think so.I mean I know you people with baggage aren't maliciously targeting people..but the bottom line is people get hurt. So here's some constructive advice.
When you were in the relationship I take it you did not have alot of ME time so the first thing to do is. Make yourself a priority. Make a list of things you loved to do for yourself..your hobbies, spending time with friends. The second thing AVOID all contact with you ex..let me explain why. When a door closes..let it close...keeping a connection with the object of your past affection will just lead you back to the road of emotional confusion..this step is most important. Thirdly I know this would be hard remember in the end all you have is yourself if you can't love and nurture yourself how are you to move forward? So the bottom line is DEAL WITH YOUR BAGGAGE...fix yourself before wrecking someone else.
Now for the person who chooses to stay with the person with baggage. One you really have to be strong mentally and emotionally. You have to be prepared for a lot of conversations about their exes....the bad thing is if you really like this person you're going to get hurt. As I said before you really really have a strong belief that dealing with this baggage is worth it.Now some people are different..some may take months and some may take years to get over the hurt.The second thing you are going to HAVE to possess is patience and believe me all of this might drive you crazy. my advice to you is that unless it is really worth it DO NOT put yourself in this position.It leads to a lot of pain and heartache. No one is ever prepared to deal with situations like this most likely you did not go looking for this to happen to you.
So people with baggage..try to deal with it in such a way that you don't hurt other people..It's like an accident that takes the lives of innocent by standers.Think about it this way..you get into another "relationship" with you baggage..you're just going to add to your baggage. Now I know what you may be thinking you're not emotionally involved, you're not giving your all. No matter how small the baggage the "rebound relationship" leaves it still is going to be what it is BAGGAGE.
People who are presently dealing with someone with baggage all I can say is that be strong and hopefully it will all work out. I mean you don't want your own baggage right?
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