How do you stay with someone who has broken your heart before?
Has someone ever cheated on you and you took them back? Have you ever taken back someone who had left you? How do you deal with all the hurt and anger you had inside when the person hurt you…when you’re still with them today?
Now this situation is not unheard of nor is it unorthodox, but what do you do when your partner comes back into the relationship with a clean slate and you haven’t let go of the past. Past experiences mould who we are today, we learn from experience. When you are with a person you go through good and you go through bad, we all obviously all do not want to go through more bad experiences than good.
So you’re back with your bf/gf you’ve gotten over the past. You get into a huge fight and what happens? He/she brings up how much you hurt them. You may be fighting about which restaurant to go to but somehow it turns into a conversation about how he/she cheated on you. What causes this? One word: RESENTMENT.
Resentment is an emotion of anger or bitterness felt repeatedly, as a result of a real or imagined wrong done. Now your partner becomes baffled he/she thinks to themselves “Haven’t we dealt with this already”
This resentment will never go away obviously until it is resolved. Let me explain something when the person agreed to take you back they know why they did it. A person who has had his/her heart broken and still goes back to the person is expecting more for that person than before. So your partner sits there thinking “I’ve done all that I could I’m treating her/him good why doesn’t he get over it?”
I will tell you why. Your gf/bf is looking for atonement. To atone for something is to make amends, as for a sin or fault. You see in your partner’s eyes you have done them wrong you were the cause of so much anger, pain and despair. So even though you’re back and you wanting to be the good bf/gf this may not be enough.
To be honest with you this is an issue ultimately your bf/gf has to deal with. Resentment results in irrational behaviours, rejection emotionally or sexually, mistrust. Now I truly believe the foundation of a relationship is trust. You can take a lifetime to build trust and a nanosecond to lose it. Honestly once trust is lost between two people it is the most difficult thing to build it back.
f you have resentment towards your partner due to them breaking your heart, the first thing you should do is admit to yourself you have unresolved issues with your partner. Then you should work out a way to deal with them. If you were cheated on or left chances are your self esteem and self worth suffered badly so the first thing you should do is work on self affirmation and recognition. When you can effectively heal yourself then you can work on your relationship.
My advice is don’t take out all your resentment on your partner. Yes they may have broken your heart and spirit before but if they are really trying to make the relationship work; they deserve a chance. Remember we are all human and we do make mistakes.
Love yourself then you can love your partner.
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